This morning let me tell you what I am not going to do.
It is Mother's Day and I am not going to preach about mothers.
My Methodist calendar calls this day the Festival of the Christian Home.
So I am going to talk about the family......
and that is too great a responsibility to load just on mothers.
And I guess maybe there's a connection with the difficulties the church faces, also.
It does, indeed, take a village to raise a child.
It is that too many do not behave in a civilized fashion.
And I would step on too many toes, including my own.
Looking only at the negative is not helpful.
and if we are to have a viable society.
Some think that the family needs to be weaned from its dependency on taxpayers' money.
Some think that more taxpayers' money will fix everything.
I am inclined to think that money, public or private, is not the issue at all.
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1. Our children need to learn to make commitments and stay with them.
Parents teach commitment by making promises and keeping them
by remaining faithful to one another
by remaining married to one another
indeed, by marrying in the first place,
and if staying married is not possible for good and sufficient reason,
then both parents need to maintain their commitment to the children.
Children learn a great deal from the example of their elders.
We forget that at our peril.
We need to remember that loyalty counts for something
and choose carefully what and who we will be loyal to.
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2. Our children need to learn responsibilityfor themselves
and to and for others.
They need to know there are consequences for what they do
and that they cannot blame others for their mistakes
or walk away because they don't like the consequences.
Families can teach this by being sure that the rules are clear,
that reasonable consequences follow unacceptable behavior,
that good results follow acceptable behavior.
The standing rule in my household when my children were school-aged
was that dinner was on the table at six,
and everyone was expected to be there.
If you were not there, you got no supper.
Each child tested the rule and came late to supper......once.
Youngsters need to learn to be on time,
to do an assignment by him/herself so that good self-motivation happens.
It is easier to learn at home where it is safe
and issues are not life-changing and/or -threatening.
If we can teach our young to be responsible
then maybe there'll be fewer adults running around
blaming someone or something else for what happens to them.
Maybe there will be fewer abandoned and neglected children.
It is a vicious cycle.
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3. Our children need to learn to respect themselves and others.
That really begins with the love of God
that is reflected by the parents to the child.
It continues with affirmation of the child's abilities
appearance
personhood.
I was reminded recently of the occasion when I played the piano
in a radio competition when I was around 12 or 13.
It was a long-standing family joke that I played the Minute Waltz in one minute --
exactly.
My father timed it on his watch.
Shortly thereafter I decided to end my piano lessons.
I am not sure my parents ever made the connection.
I doubt that the world is suffering much over the loss
of a not-very-talented pianist,
and this was hardly a life-shattering incident
but I wish they hadn't done that.
I wish they hadn't made a joke of something that really mattered to me.
Teaching respect means honoring a child's privacy,
being careful not to humiliate or embarrass in front of others.....
indeed, not to humiliate or embarrass at all.
Self-esteem is weakened in a climate of belittling and criticism and put-downs.
That kind of language is as violent as beating and more insidious
because children tend to believe and accept what is said to them,
especially by those whom they trust.
The verbal violence that we hear so often from adults
toward other adults and children
was learned at home.
Respect for oneself frees a person to respect others
for who they are,
not for what they do,
but just because they are a child of God --
the elderly
the handicapped
the sick
the young
the authorities
even the dead.
To respect others is to accept and enjoy difference,
to value every human being without regard to status
or wealth or current condition.
Respect for the dignity and worth of every person
is the foundation of Western civilization.
It is the cornerstone of democracy.
Biblically speaking, it is to love your neighbor as y ourself.
And home is where we learn it.
When it isn't learned there,
when there is no one to teach it,
because parents don't know it or are absent,
we are in big trouble.
- 4. Our children need to learn that they are a part of a group......
and always will be,
and that brings both benefits and obligations,
rewards and duties.
Duty........now there's an old-fashioned word
we don't hear very much any more!
Being part of a group is very different than the individualism.....
everyone for himself......
that our society currently celebrates
with disastrous consequences.
Being part of a group requires cooperation........
whether the group activitiy is
working together,
playing together,
worshiping together.
Children can be expected and need to help
with the chores of everyday living.
They can begin with the simplest jobs
and take on more difficult and complicated tasks
as they grow older and bigger.
Sometimes some favorite activity will need to be given up
so that someone else may have what they want or need.
Again, parents teach by example.
Learning to live and work together in a healthy way
in the small community called the family
enables a person to live in the larger communities
to which he or she will belong:
the school,
the city,
the nation,
the world,
as a cooperative citizen
concerned for the welfare of the whole.
- 5. Human beings need to belong to something greater than themselves.
Our children need to learn
that one of the requirements of belonging to a society is
to make a contribution to it,
to leave it a better place than one found it,
to give of oneself and one's treasure to support it
whether that is taxes, or dues, or a pledge.
Our society seems currently to look only at the short term
and how to use resources so as to make a profit.
Thus, we have an ecological disaster in the making
with toxic waste,
global warming,
people who dwell in despair.
So teaching children differently is difficult.
But again, children learn by what is done rather than by what is said.
Parents and others cannot be too busy to recycle,
to coach Little League,
or to work in the church,
or to do mission,
as in Habitat for Humanity or working in a soup kitchen.
- 6. And lastly, our children must learn
that violence does not solve problems.
It only creates more.
That's true of the international violence we call war,
as well as clobbering a brother or sister
over the head with a truck in a fight over a toy.
They must not see violence done between parents.
They must not hear violence spoken to themselves or others.
No violence does not mean no conflict.
Just that normal disagreements
and situations where needs and wants collide
need to be negotiated and discussed,
sometimes compromised,
and resolved peacefully.
but enough.....
I wish I could have put all this together and have it spell MOTHER.....
but I am not that clever
and it doesn't.
It doesn't have much to do with the Scripture lessons for today....
except as I have been talking about the components
of the real meaning of love.
As Jesus said,
"Love one another, as I have loved you.
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples."
But I don't want to lay claim to these concerns as being strictly Christian either.
Commitment,
responsibility,
cooperation,
belonging,
and beling a part of something larger than oneself
are the foundation of any going civilization.
They are also the marks of a mature individual.
Respect for the worth and dignity of every person
is a crucial component of the Christian faith.
It is what is eroding very quickly in our time.
It is, unfortunately, the place where we fail our Christian faith most often.
Our hope lies in the reality
that respect for self and others is what we can teach
most readily
and the most easily
at home
in the family,
and we had better start doing it again soon..........
like yesterday.
What children learn in the family..........
at home or in church..........
is what they live the rest of their lives.
It is ours to determine what they learn.
That is not separate or distinct from our faith,
but the living of it
and passing it on to the next generation.
Consider this story about a business consultant
who was moving into his new home.
He decided to hire a friend to landscape the grounds.
This friend had a doctorate in horticulture
and she was extremely bright and knowledgeable.
Fred had a great vision for the grounds,
but because he was very busy and traveled a lot
he kept emphasizing to his friend the need to create his garden
in a way that would require little or no maintenance on his part.
He said automatic sprinklers were an absolute necessity;
he was always on the lookout for labor-saving devices
and any other way of cutting time.
Finally his friend said,
"Fred, I can see what you're saying.
But there's one thing you need to deal with before we go any further.
If there's no gardener, there's no garden!"
Children need to be taught,
tended,
cared for,
given an example to follow.
If we do not have the time,
or the interest.....
well -- if there is no gardener, there is no garden.
Jesus said, "Love one another, as I have loved you."
Jesus loves us and we follow him.
Let us all help our children to do likewise.
It does, indeed, take a village to raise a child.
Amen
(c) 1999, Shirley Hoover
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